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Fake Pork Roast

By: YUKIHIRA SMA from anitay.kinja.com
Updated October 02, 2018
Fake Pork Roast
Fake Pork Roast

"Optional Step 1: Prepare Your headband -This is a critical step. If you do not have a headband, then you will never truly harness the abilities needed to succeed. Optional Step 2: Put On the Headband -Only those who believe they are capable may do so. Step 1: Peel the Potatoes -Amount: 6 white potatoes. Step 2: Slice the Potatoes -Wash the potatoes then cut them into quarters or halves, depending on size. Step 3: Chop the Mushrooms/Cauliflower -Amount: 1/4 of a head of cauliflower, or 3 Eringi mushrooms. Step 4: Chop the Onions -Amount: 1 large white onion, or 2 medium white onions. Step 5: Steam the Potatoes and Cauliflower -Steam potatoes until soft (about 15-20 minutes). -Steam or microwave the chopped cauliflower until soft (10 minutes for steam, 5 minutes for microwave). -If you’re using mushrooms, DO NOT steam or microwave. Step 6: Pan Fry the Onions and Mushrooms/Cauliflower -Prep the pan with a tablespoon of butter. -Pan fry onions and mushrooms/cauliflower until caramelized or fully golden Optional Step 3: Get in the Zone -The highest level of performance can only happen when in the zone. Step 7: Mash the Potatoes -Mash into small chunks in a large bowl. Do not mash too much, you want to avoid it being frothy in order to form it to shape. Step 8: Mix in the Onions and Cauliflower -Mix until the ingredients are even in the bowl. Step 9: Pick the Rosemary -Pick the rosemary off its stem. -Set aside. Step 10: Add the Salt -Add a few sprinkles of salt to the top of the bowl. Step 11: Form the Fake Roast -Let the mix cool until touchable (more than 5 minutes). CAUTION HOT -Take all of the mix and form it into a log shape. Step 12: Wrap the Roast in Bacon -Amount: 2 packs of thick cut bacon. -Wrap the roast fully, try not to leave any gaps, otherwise the potatoes will seep out when the bacon tightens. -There is no surefire way of doing this, just coat it to the best of your ability. Step 13: Tie the Roast -Tie the roast with the twine. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy, just wrap it around a few times. -Intertwine the rosemary afterwards. Step 14: Bake in the Oven -Bake at 375ºF or 190ºC for 30-45 minutes or until bacon is golden (cook longer for crispy bacon), turing halfway. Step 15: Boil the Wine In the Frying Pan -Amount: 1 Cup, or 250ml. -Bring the wine to a boil (~10 minutes) on medium-high heat in a frying pan. The aim is to reduce it. Step 16: Add the Butter, Sake, and Soy Sauce to the Wine -Amount: 1 tbs of butter, 1/4 cup of sake, 2 tbs of soy sauce. -Melt the butter into the boiling wine. -Pour the soy sauce and sake into the sauce. -Continue to cook for 2-3 minutes. Step 17: Remove the Twine and the Rosemary -When the baking is done, remove the twine and rosemary, they are not to be eaten. Step 18: Pour the Sauce on the Roast -Pour the finished sauce onto the roast (make sure the roast is on a plate so as to hold the extra sauce). Pour slowly. Step 19: Add the Garnish -Add a garnish to the top of the dish, we used parsley, the anime used watercress. Step 20: Serve"

Serves1 What You Will Need: -1.5 to 2 hours of time. -Large serving plate/pan. -Large bowl. -Cutting board & knives. -Large knife. -Large pot with a steaming tray. -Potato peeler. -Frying pan. -Wooden spoon. -Baking tray. -Measuring instruments. -Unble

Cooking Time2 min

  1. -This is a critical step. If you do not have a headband, then you will never truly harness the abilities needed to succeed.

  2. -Only those who believe they are capable may do so.

  3. -Amount: 6 white potatoes.

  4. -Wash the potatoes then cut them into quarters or halves, depending on size

  5. -Amount: 1/4 of a head of cauliflower, or 3 Eringi mushrooms.

  6. -Amount: 1 large white onion, or 2 medium white onions.

  7. Steam potatoes until soft (about 15-20 minutes). -Steam or microwave the chopped cauliflower until soft (10 minutes for steam, 5 minutes for microwave). -If you’re using mushrooms, DO NOT steam or microwave.

  8. Step 6: Pan Fry the Onions and Mushrooms/Cauliflower -Prep the pan with a tablespoon of butter. -Pan fry onions and mushrooms/cauliflower until caramelized or fully golden.

  9. Optional Step 3: Get in the Zone -The highest level of performance can only happen when in the zone.

  10. Step 7: Mash the Potatoes -Mash into small chunks in a large bowl. Do not mash too much, you want to avoid it being frothy in order to form it to shape.

  11. Step 8: Mix in the Onions and Cauliflower -Mix until the ingredients are even in the bowl.

  12. Step 9: Pick the Rosemary -Pick the rosemary off its stem. -Set aside.

  13. Step 10: Add the Salt -Add a few sprinkles of salt to the top of the bowl.

  14. Step 11: Form the Fake Roast -Let the mix cool until touchable (more than 5 minutes). CAUTION HOT -Take all of the mix and form it into a log shape.

  15. Step 12: Wrap the Roast in Bacon -Amount: 2 packs of thick cut bacon. -Wrap the roast fully, try not to leave any gaps, otherwise the potatoes will seep out when the bacon tightens. -There is no surefire way of doing this, just coat it to the best of your ability.

  16. Step 13: Tie the Roast -Tie the roast with the twine. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy, just wrap it around a few times. -Intertwine the rosemary afterwards.


  17. Step 14: Bake in the Oven -Bake at 375ºF or 190ºC for 30-45 minutes or until bacon is golden (cook longer for crispy bacon), turing halfway.

  18. Step 15: Boil the Wine In the Frying Pan -Amount: 1 Cup, or 250ml. -Bring the wine to a boil (~10 minutes) on medium-high heat in a frying pan. The aim is to reduce it.

  19. Step 16: Add the Butter, Sake, and Soy Sauce to the Wine -Amount: 1 tbs of butter, 1/4 cup of sake, 2 tbs of soy sauce. -Melt the butter into the boiling wine. -Pour the soy sauce and sake into the sauce. -Continue to cook for 2-3 minutes.

  20. Step 17: Remove the Twine and the Rosemary -When the baking is done, remove the twine and rosemary, they are not to be eaten.

  21. Step 18: Pour the Sauce on the Roast -Pour the finished sauce onto the roast (make sure the roast is on a plate so as to hold the extra sauce). Pour slowly

  22. Step 19: Add the Garnish -Add a garnish to the top of the dish, we used parsley, the anime used watercress.

  23. Step 20: Serve

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